So it is now August 22 - 17 days past my dermatologist appointment with Dr. Adams at Hershey Medical. In the past 17 days I have been angry. I have laughed out loud at my doctor's stupidity. I have gone back and forth between wondering if he is right and eating differently is no cure and wondering if there is a possibility that I am just in some sort of "remission" time with my skin and that my diet is not effecting a change. In other words, I have been crazy. This leads to crazy decisions and crazy eating that is not based on any logical decision, just impulse. Impulse eating for anyone is not a good idea. Impulse eating for someone who really needs to watch the ingredients of the foods entering her body is not good at all.
First off, impulse eating leads to more impulse eating. It is a domino effect. Once you break down and eat something that you know does not help your health, the easier it is to eat the next thing that you crave... and believe me, you will crave once you eat that first item.
Second off, eating foods that you know are harmful to your body just to prove your doctor wrong is not a healthy thing either. Your doctor doesn't care. He's proven that already by his bedside manner and his ability to just "write off" your health.
Thirdly, it sucks when your skin is no longer clear and comfortable. You have to take extra time when you are getting dressed to cover your breakouts so that your clothes don't get stained by or stuck on the lesions. And it is horrendously painful to try to heal your body again when you could've just skipped all of the irregular foods and just eaten what you know is right.
My lesson here: nothing tastes as good as clean skin feels. I promise. Donuts, pizza and fast food breaded deep-fried chicken fingers and fries... all three of those items have shown up in my diet at least once each week during the past 17 days, sometimes all three on the same day! Not only is this bad for my skin - it's bad for health in general.
My last blog title was that Doctors Just Suck... well, so do patients that try to take their anger out on their own body! How silly is that? Please take the lesson from me... it is not something you want to try yourself!
So, Dr. Adams, I just want to say to you that you are doing all of your patients a big disservice by not even talking to them about the possibility of them changing their diet to help themselves. What harm can it do? You're not pushing a carcinogenic drug or another drug that can cause a multitude of other bodily misfunctions or death. You're pushing health in all directions. Educate yourself and educate your patients and you may see less of them!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Doctors Really Just Suck!
On Monday I went to the dermatologist to get my FMLA documentation updated. It's been a year and that document is only good for 1 year at a time (at least from my employer's point of view).
I was pretty darn excited about going and sharing my "wealth"! My skin is not clear (yet) - but parts of it are well more clear than they've ever been before. So I was very excited to go in and talk to my doctor about how my diet has been changing my skin for the better.
When I told the nurse of the situation she said she had goosebumps and that she was so happy for me. When the doctor came in she asked me about any current lesions - and of course, I do have the one on the right breast. I also have some "pimple-like" breakouts on both breasts and in my cleavage but those are barely of concern to me because they don't hurt or cause me to be off of work due to draining or pain. The current incidence isn't really something they could do anything about because it is an open deal and it is a crater-like site rather than a bumpy area.
The doctor was impressed with my skin being pretty clear and I told her of my diet and what foods I'm not eating ... and she was glad to hear that it was working for me.
When she came back into the room with the attending physician (resident? I don't know which is which, but the "big guy") she took a step back and allowed him to take the lead. Then, after examining me he stated that I was lucky because he's seen folks with this disease way worse off than I am. Yes, that's true. Even at my worst there are people out there that have this way worse than I did... but I told him that my skin was clearing up because of my diet. When I told him what I wasn't eating - processed foods, legumes, tomatoes (questionable), grains, and gluten - he looked at the other doctor and said "yes, the anti-inflammatory diet ... it has been researched and tried, not in derm, but for other applications and it sometimes helps. It doesn't cure but for some folks it does relieve the symptoms. It doesn't work for everyone."
Now, he didn't say this to me, he said it over me and was speaking directly to the other doctor as if I was a test subject that couldn't hear him or something like that. I nodded my head and though "duh, exactly what the prescribed drugs you have do for this disease... !"
He uninflated my sails that simply. I was so angry for him not even recognizing that this can and does work for anyone who really puts their minds and diet to it. I want it to work. I need it to work. There are no quick easy fix pills out there to make this just go away. I do not want to have surgery on top of surgery to get rid of this. I do not want to spend all my money on hibiclens and dressings to cover up the breakouts. I would like to be able to wear sleeveless shirts and bathing suits at some point in my life. I want to be able to lose weight and feel desirable... if those of us with HS lose weight we still don't feel desirable because of our skin. It is ugly and scary for most people out there who don't have it. I don't really blame those folks though... it is not pretty.
So, in all regards folks, don't listen to the stupid doctors in your life. If you're doing something that works for you, stick with it. Do it with all the power of your mind and know that it will work. Doctors and lab rats have to stick with what they know... and what they know is that the drug companies pay them a lot of money and give them lots of perks to push their drugs and to have folks dive in to their drug trials. DON'T RELY ON DRUGS TO SAVE YOU. Your doctor doesn't care if you get symptoms from something far worse than HS (and yes, there are things far worse than HS)... because if your doctor cared they wouldn't even suggest you subject yourself to the drug they're pushing.
Yes, they are drug pushers and that is all they are. Stop fighting your body. Start listening to your body and feed it the food that works for it. Feed it the nutrients that help it serve every inch of you and keep you healthy. Get away from the crap you've been eating and eat nutritious food. Just do it for 3 months and see how much of a difference it makes in your life.
Make a promise to yourself to do it. Don't try to do it. Don't look down the road and say "ah, my sister's boyfriend's kid is having a party on the 17th of next month so I'd better just wait"... do it now. Do it for you. No one else cares about you but you. You have to be the adult and do this for yourself or else you won't know the glory of limited breakout areas and healthy skin.
I promise. This will work for you.
I was pretty darn excited about going and sharing my "wealth"! My skin is not clear (yet) - but parts of it are well more clear than they've ever been before. So I was very excited to go in and talk to my doctor about how my diet has been changing my skin for the better.
When I told the nurse of the situation she said she had goosebumps and that she was so happy for me. When the doctor came in she asked me about any current lesions - and of course, I do have the one on the right breast. I also have some "pimple-like" breakouts on both breasts and in my cleavage but those are barely of concern to me because they don't hurt or cause me to be off of work due to draining or pain. The current incidence isn't really something they could do anything about because it is an open deal and it is a crater-like site rather than a bumpy area.
The doctor was impressed with my skin being pretty clear and I told her of my diet and what foods I'm not eating ... and she was glad to hear that it was working for me.
When she came back into the room with the attending physician (resident? I don't know which is which, but the "big guy") she took a step back and allowed him to take the lead. Then, after examining me he stated that I was lucky because he's seen folks with this disease way worse off than I am. Yes, that's true. Even at my worst there are people out there that have this way worse than I did... but I told him that my skin was clearing up because of my diet. When I told him what I wasn't eating - processed foods, legumes, tomatoes (questionable), grains, and gluten - he looked at the other doctor and said "yes, the anti-inflammatory diet ... it has been researched and tried, not in derm, but for other applications and it sometimes helps. It doesn't cure but for some folks it does relieve the symptoms. It doesn't work for everyone."
Now, he didn't say this to me, he said it over me and was speaking directly to the other doctor as if I was a test subject that couldn't hear him or something like that. I nodded my head and though "duh, exactly what the prescribed drugs you have do for this disease... !"
He uninflated my sails that simply. I was so angry for him not even recognizing that this can and does work for anyone who really puts their minds and diet to it. I want it to work. I need it to work. There are no quick easy fix pills out there to make this just go away. I do not want to have surgery on top of surgery to get rid of this. I do not want to spend all my money on hibiclens and dressings to cover up the breakouts. I would like to be able to wear sleeveless shirts and bathing suits at some point in my life. I want to be able to lose weight and feel desirable... if those of us with HS lose weight we still don't feel desirable because of our skin. It is ugly and scary for most people out there who don't have it. I don't really blame those folks though... it is not pretty.
So, in all regards folks, don't listen to the stupid doctors in your life. If you're doing something that works for you, stick with it. Do it with all the power of your mind and know that it will work. Doctors and lab rats have to stick with what they know... and what they know is that the drug companies pay them a lot of money and give them lots of perks to push their drugs and to have folks dive in to their drug trials. DON'T RELY ON DRUGS TO SAVE YOU. Your doctor doesn't care if you get symptoms from something far worse than HS (and yes, there are things far worse than HS)... because if your doctor cared they wouldn't even suggest you subject yourself to the drug they're pushing.
Yes, they are drug pushers and that is all they are. Stop fighting your body. Start listening to your body and feed it the food that works for it. Feed it the nutrients that help it serve every inch of you and keep you healthy. Get away from the crap you've been eating and eat nutritious food. Just do it for 3 months and see how much of a difference it makes in your life.
Make a promise to yourself to do it. Don't try to do it. Don't look down the road and say "ah, my sister's boyfriend's kid is having a party on the 17th of next month so I'd better just wait"... do it now. Do it for you. No one else cares about you but you. You have to be the adult and do this for yourself or else you won't know the glory of limited breakout areas and healthy skin.
I promise. This will work for you.
Monday, August 5, 2013
I'm the schizophrenic psycho
Yep... great song... and so very true for me with finding my trigger foods and keeping myself healthy.
I realized today that I just keep sabotaging myself - well, I didn't just realize that today... but I think I have figured out why today.
I want to be normal.
I know that certain foods, as yet to be fully determined, cause my skin to erupt in abnormal ways. I know that the longer I stay on my normal course of eating, which excludes gluten, grains, legumes, and tomatoes, not to mention processed foods, I will heal my skin and have fewer extreme eruptions. And this is NOT hard to do. After just a few weeks of eating a paleo (which is what I'm on) diet, excluding processed foods with more than about 3 ingredients (except for those I process myself!) and staying away from the sugary treats, the crazy needs and food cravings just whisked right away. I truly don't feel those needs anymore.
Then why you ask, did you eat ice cream today? And, pizza last week, as well as ice cream and Auntie Anne's pretzels...
I refer you back to the title of this posting... I'm the schizophrenic psycho.
I don't get the cravings in that same sense as I used to. I do want to be able to just chuck all the special diets - be able to know that if I'm invited to someone's house for dinner that I can eat anything that is placed in front of me without having to ask how it was prepared. I crave to be normal. I crave the ability to just pull something off the shelf and eat it without wondering what the consequences to my skin will be. But... in truth, it is not just about my skin anymore. The more I learn about the food industry and the way our food is "created", the more I am scared to eat anything that I don't know exactly where it came from and what it ate (or whether it had chemicals sprayed on it)!
But, back to the schizo part of this all. I believe that a large part of my sabotage has to do with the "what does it matter" attitude. This frame of mind is brought on in a couple of ways - the major way being after I have stepped outside of my "normal" diet and eaten something that I am avoiding due to the health of my skin. When I start to feel the breakout coming on (and, if you have this disease, you know exactly what I'm talking about! The itching or the actual pressure-point pain that some of these can elicit with the wrong move of your skin/body) my head starts to figure -- why shouldn't I take advantage of the fact that I've already got the eruptions boiling (pun intended) away and have something else I haven't had in a while. What could it hurt at this point? Yes, I think about the fact that I will have to go a few weeks more before I break away from the addiction that these foods elicit the moment you ingest them... and I think... "ah, what the hell. I might as well do it now rather than go another month on my regular diet and then 'allow' myself something because I didn't now and then it will be like wasted time." That's my reasoning. And it's pretty sound reasoning, if I do say so myself.
The second way the "what does it matter" attitude is brought on is through depression. The thought that no matter how long I continue on trying to locate the specific foods that trigger my Hidradenitis that I won't be fully healed... that I won't find someone out there who loves me for who I am (scars and all), that I won't lose the weight that I need to lose to feel comfortable in my body, that money issues will always be hovering over my head, that... anything that can bring on self-pity.....
I'm fighting the self-pity, depression "what does it matter" attitude as much as possible but the monster does get out sometimes... and that's why I had Auntie Anne's pretzels last week, which spurred the "what does it matter - I've already stepped outside my normal food regime" so I had pizza and ice cream! And again ice cream this week... because the breakout under my right breast is going to be an ugly, ugly thing (it already is) and the one brewing on the back of my left thigh is painful yet unseen at the moment.
I know that I have less trouble with this when eating Paleo. I know that gluten laden products and processed foods cause issues for my skin. And now I know that dairy (at least ice cream) gives me some unbelievable intestinal gas that just farts up a storm INSIDE MY BELLY! I hear it and feel it and then about 3 hours later it gets far enough through my system to expel the gas outside! Oh my! I do like ice cream... but not enough for the pain that comes with that gas that is stuck inside my system!
So what am I going to do now that I've realized why I do some of the things that I do? I'm going to try harder to whack that voice down when it pipes up asking for something that I know doesn't work for me. How am I going to deal with being invited to someone's house for dinner? Well, when I'm invited I will go and I will be a great guest and I will do what it takes to be satisified... which may mean eating dinner before I go so that I don't have to worry about being hungry with nothing that I can eat in front of me. But, for the most part, all of my friends know what I'm doing and they understand... so most likely I will be able to discuss the menu with them before I attend!
It is work, but I tell you, it is worth it... the pain that I am experiencing right now from the open wound under my right breast is less than I've had before... but it is more than I want to experience ever again.
Today I have an appointment with my dermatologist at Hershey Medical. I didn't make the appointment because I was breaking out (dermatologists are booked about 5 months in advance!) but because my FMLA documents needs to be updated. Every year I have to get these filled out for my work or else ... and I can't lose my job ... so it's off to Hershey I go to get checked out... have the doctor say, "yep, you have Hidradenitis Suppurativa. There's no cure. Get some hibiclens. Good luck." Yeah, just what I want to hear! Fortunately for me, it is just for the paperwork and then I'm back to eating for healthy skin!
I realized today that I just keep sabotaging myself - well, I didn't just realize that today... but I think I have figured out why today.
I want to be normal.
I know that certain foods, as yet to be fully determined, cause my skin to erupt in abnormal ways. I know that the longer I stay on my normal course of eating, which excludes gluten, grains, legumes, and tomatoes, not to mention processed foods, I will heal my skin and have fewer extreme eruptions. And this is NOT hard to do. After just a few weeks of eating a paleo (which is what I'm on) diet, excluding processed foods with more than about 3 ingredients (except for those I process myself!) and staying away from the sugary treats, the crazy needs and food cravings just whisked right away. I truly don't feel those needs anymore.
Then why you ask, did you eat ice cream today? And, pizza last week, as well as ice cream and Auntie Anne's pretzels...
I refer you back to the title of this posting... I'm the schizophrenic psycho.
I don't get the cravings in that same sense as I used to. I do want to be able to just chuck all the special diets - be able to know that if I'm invited to someone's house for dinner that I can eat anything that is placed in front of me without having to ask how it was prepared. I crave to be normal. I crave the ability to just pull something off the shelf and eat it without wondering what the consequences to my skin will be. But... in truth, it is not just about my skin anymore. The more I learn about the food industry and the way our food is "created", the more I am scared to eat anything that I don't know exactly where it came from and what it ate (or whether it had chemicals sprayed on it)!
But, back to the schizo part of this all. I believe that a large part of my sabotage has to do with the "what does it matter" attitude. This frame of mind is brought on in a couple of ways - the major way being after I have stepped outside of my "normal" diet and eaten something that I am avoiding due to the health of my skin. When I start to feel the breakout coming on (and, if you have this disease, you know exactly what I'm talking about! The itching or the actual pressure-point pain that some of these can elicit with the wrong move of your skin/body) my head starts to figure -- why shouldn't I take advantage of the fact that I've already got the eruptions boiling (pun intended) away and have something else I haven't had in a while. What could it hurt at this point? Yes, I think about the fact that I will have to go a few weeks more before I break away from the addiction that these foods elicit the moment you ingest them... and I think... "ah, what the hell. I might as well do it now rather than go another month on my regular diet and then 'allow' myself something because I didn't now and then it will be like wasted time." That's my reasoning. And it's pretty sound reasoning, if I do say so myself.
The second way the "what does it matter" attitude is brought on is through depression. The thought that no matter how long I continue on trying to locate the specific foods that trigger my Hidradenitis that I won't be fully healed... that I won't find someone out there who loves me for who I am (scars and all), that I won't lose the weight that I need to lose to feel comfortable in my body, that money issues will always be hovering over my head, that... anything that can bring on self-pity.....
I'm fighting the self-pity, depression "what does it matter" attitude as much as possible but the monster does get out sometimes... and that's why I had Auntie Anne's pretzels last week, which spurred the "what does it matter - I've already stepped outside my normal food regime" so I had pizza and ice cream! And again ice cream this week... because the breakout under my right breast is going to be an ugly, ugly thing (it already is) and the one brewing on the back of my left thigh is painful yet unseen at the moment.
I know that I have less trouble with this when eating Paleo. I know that gluten laden products and processed foods cause issues for my skin. And now I know that dairy (at least ice cream) gives me some unbelievable intestinal gas that just farts up a storm INSIDE MY BELLY! I hear it and feel it and then about 3 hours later it gets far enough through my system to expel the gas outside! Oh my! I do like ice cream... but not enough for the pain that comes with that gas that is stuck inside my system!
So what am I going to do now that I've realized why I do some of the things that I do? I'm going to try harder to whack that voice down when it pipes up asking for something that I know doesn't work for me. How am I going to deal with being invited to someone's house for dinner? Well, when I'm invited I will go and I will be a great guest and I will do what it takes to be satisified... which may mean eating dinner before I go so that I don't have to worry about being hungry with nothing that I can eat in front of me. But, for the most part, all of my friends know what I'm doing and they understand... so most likely I will be able to discuss the menu with them before I attend!
It is work, but I tell you, it is worth it... the pain that I am experiencing right now from the open wound under my right breast is less than I've had before... but it is more than I want to experience ever again.
Today I have an appointment with my dermatologist at Hershey Medical. I didn't make the appointment because I was breaking out (dermatologists are booked about 5 months in advance!) but because my FMLA documents needs to be updated. Every year I have to get these filled out for my work or else ... and I can't lose my job ... so it's off to Hershey I go to get checked out... have the doctor say, "yep, you have Hidradenitis Suppurativa. There's no cure. Get some hibiclens. Good luck." Yeah, just what I want to hear! Fortunately for me, it is just for the paperwork and then I'm back to eating for healthy skin!
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